Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Crossroad

I stand facing the crossroad,
unsure if I should leave you behind,
or follow behind you.

going to newfoundland,
has always been what I wanted.
Now I stand facing the crossroad,
unsure if that's true.

Doubts start flooding my mind.
I don't know if I should do this,
to you who has supported me all along.
I don't know how much it'd hurt you,
I don't know how much lost you have to feel,
I don't know if I'd ever see you again.

All I know is
no matter how much I benefit from my choice,
it'd never make up for how much you grieved over it.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Lights Out

I feel that my enthusiasm, spirit and well everything towards academics have diminished. No, they haven't disappear completely, which is a good thing I suppose. I wonder, if I stay in secondary school till 18, what will happen to myself? I don't want what is predicted to happen to happen, yet I can't bring it on myself to prevent it from happening.

Compared to last year, it is very apparent that I'm quite withdrawn in many class affairs. Last year, I could memorize everyone's class number in like a day or two, but not this year. Why? I simply am not interested in doing so. I'm not taking the initiative to do anything, I hardly ever volunteer to help do anything in class. I feel rotten though, yet I don't do anything to change it. Irony huh? Perhaps not, if you've heard the whole story about my life from the beginning of this year.

Another very apparent one. I was always interested in math competitions, all sorts of competitions. Now, I've quit my math team. Why? I don't have the enthusiasm nor the mood to join any competitions anymore. I don't feel the sense of accomplishment in winning anymore. So why waste my energy still doing all these? I just quit. Period. Even though I told my teacher it's because of timing. Well that's partly true.

Anyway where has all my energy and spirit gone to? Sports. Yup, you heard right. Since I don't need to work hard to achieve in academics, why not spend my excess energy from boredom in school in sports? I've like taken up so many sports that my schedule is crammed and sometimes I do get drained out. But it's rewarding to see myself improve from time to time with all the efforts I've put in, unlike academics where I don't have to put in much or any effort at all.