Friday, June 13, 2008

'Unvented' Frustration

Okay, so the frustration inside me is building up and I think I'm just going to explode if I don't let it out a little now! Most of the source of frustration has got to do with my teachers. Not surprising at all. First it's my algebra teacher. I think I really hate her now. Hate is a strong word, but that's how strong my feeling is right now. From the beginning, I had been indifferent with her, but now, it's getting worse. She thinks my math is no good, no matter how much achievement I have gotten. Perfect marks in exams, prizes in math competitions, and being able to go for Mathematical Olympiad. Unfortunately, she still remains the opinion that I'm bad in math. I don't know where she got that from. If not for her having the power to choose people to go for math competitions, I wouldn't have cared. But she has, and because of her not recognizing my talent, I wasn't chosen. Really upset over that. And just yesterday she accused me of disrupting the lesson, when all I wanted to do was suggest a different way to solve the equation. I feel humiliated and not accepted.

Then, something related, I'm not allowed to express my opinions. Seriously, I think teachers are afraid that I would point out their mistake in front of everyone and embarrass them. But I'm not that low down, unless they really piss me off. But they haven't, not for the moment anyway, or I don't think so yet. It's only recently that I've started to open up, and people shut me down! Unfair really. Teachers ask who wants to give their input and I raised my hand and I'm told to sit down and keep quiet. On the bright side, maybe I'm just too smart for them. My train of thoughts has been running very quick lately and I need space to let it grow. Instead they're stuck in a confined space because I can't expand. Sooner or later, I might retreat and harm myself. Or explode, and harm myself too but in a different way. And I'm supposed to be gentle and all that, just because that's how a good student with good results is supposed to behave. Absurd, really. I think I'm becoming a misanthrope.

1 comment:

eilym said...

I guess the part where teachers dont want you to point out their mistake is true.Stay true to yourself and dont care about what all those teachers have to say.You are already doing very well,dont stress too much,chillax:P
You are a lucky gal,so super smart,not like me,struggling to do even Singaporean Sec 2 algebra,which my dad says is the easiest.