I stand facing the crossroad,
unsure if I should leave you behind,
or follow behind you.
going to newfoundland,
has always been what I wanted.
Now I stand facing the crossroad,
unsure if that's true.
Doubts start flooding my mind.
I don't know if I should do this,
to you who has supported me all along.
I don't know how much it'd hurt you,
I don't know how much lost you have to feel,
I don't know if I'd ever see you again.
All I know is
no matter how much I benefit from my choice,
it'd never make up for how much you grieved over it.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Lights Out
I feel that my enthusiasm, spirit and well everything towards academics have diminished. No, they haven't disappear completely, which is a good thing I suppose. I wonder, if I stay in secondary school till 18, what will happen to myself? I don't want what is predicted to happen to happen, yet I can't bring it on myself to prevent it from happening.
Compared to last year, it is very apparent that I'm quite withdrawn in many class affairs. Last year, I could memorize everyone's class number in like a day or two, but not this year. Why? I simply am not interested in doing so. I'm not taking the initiative to do anything, I hardly ever volunteer to help do anything in class. I feel rotten though, yet I don't do anything to change it. Irony huh? Perhaps not, if you've heard the whole story about my life from the beginning of this year.
Another very apparent one. I was always interested in math competitions, all sorts of competitions. Now, I've quit my math team. Why? I don't have the enthusiasm nor the mood to join any competitions anymore. I don't feel the sense of accomplishment in winning anymore. So why waste my energy still doing all these? I just quit. Period. Even though I told my teacher it's because of timing. Well that's partly true.
Anyway where has all my energy and spirit gone to? Sports. Yup, you heard right. Since I don't need to work hard to achieve in academics, why not spend my excess energy from boredom in school in sports? I've like taken up so many sports that my schedule is crammed and sometimes I do get drained out. But it's rewarding to see myself improve from time to time with all the efforts I've put in, unlike academics where I don't have to put in much or any effort at all.
Compared to last year, it is very apparent that I'm quite withdrawn in many class affairs. Last year, I could memorize everyone's class number in like a day or two, but not this year. Why? I simply am not interested in doing so. I'm not taking the initiative to do anything, I hardly ever volunteer to help do anything in class. I feel rotten though, yet I don't do anything to change it. Irony huh? Perhaps not, if you've heard the whole story about my life from the beginning of this year.
Another very apparent one. I was always interested in math competitions, all sorts of competitions. Now, I've quit my math team. Why? I don't have the enthusiasm nor the mood to join any competitions anymore. I don't feel the sense of accomplishment in winning anymore. So why waste my energy still doing all these? I just quit. Period. Even though I told my teacher it's because of timing. Well that's partly true.
Anyway where has all my energy and spirit gone to? Sports. Yup, you heard right. Since I don't need to work hard to achieve in academics, why not spend my excess energy from boredom in school in sports? I've like taken up so many sports that my schedule is crammed and sometimes I do get drained out. But it's rewarding to see myself improve from time to time with all the efforts I've put in, unlike academics where I don't have to put in much or any effort at all.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Flight
I stand on the edge of the cliff,
overlooking the sky which stretches across.
I open my hands,
and soar up into the air.
I fly on and on,
until someone catches me.
overlooking the sky which stretches across.
I open my hands,
and soar up into the air.
I fly on and on,
until someone catches me.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Where is Justice
Blood leaked out from the heart.
It has been slashed without reason.
And gone was the life of a beauty.
He never had a choice.
He was heading to a different world.
The transition wasn't a clean cut,
like a ribbon ripped off.
No matter how it was fixed,
it would never be the same.
All he could do was,
look back and be nostalgic.
A heart without blood,
and a ripped off ribbon.
Where is justice?
It has been slashed without reason.
And gone was the life of a beauty.
He never had a choice.
He was heading to a different world.
The transition wasn't a clean cut,
like a ribbon ripped off.
No matter how it was fixed,
it would never be the same.
All he could do was,
look back and be nostalgic.
A heart without blood,
and a ripped off ribbon.
Where is justice?
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Fear
It is winter,
the trees are bare,
the air is cold.
Walking outside naked,
the body will be frozen to death.
That is fear.
It gives you a chill,
and you get attacked
when you are naked.
It creeps unto you silently,
and eats up your soul slowly.
the trees are bare,
the air is cold.
Walking outside naked,
the body will be frozen to death.
That is fear.
It gives you a chill,
and you get attacked
when you are naked.
It creeps unto you silently,
and eats up your soul slowly.
Friday, June 13, 2008
'Unvented' Frustration
Okay, so the frustration inside me is building up and I think I'm just going to explode if I don't let it out a little now! Most of the source of frustration has got to do with my teachers. Not surprising at all. First it's my algebra teacher. I think I really hate her now. Hate is a strong word, but that's how strong my feeling is right now. From the beginning, I had been indifferent with her, but now, it's getting worse. She thinks my math is no good, no matter how much achievement I have gotten. Perfect marks in exams, prizes in math competitions, and being able to go for Mathematical Olympiad. Unfortunately, she still remains the opinion that I'm bad in math. I don't know where she got that from. If not for her having the power to choose people to go for math competitions, I wouldn't have cared. But she has, and because of her not recognizing my talent, I wasn't chosen. Really upset over that. And just yesterday she accused me of disrupting the lesson, when all I wanted to do was suggest a different way to solve the equation. I feel humiliated and not accepted.
Then, something related, I'm not allowed to express my opinions. Seriously, I think teachers are afraid that I would point out their mistake in front of everyone and embarrass them. But I'm not that low down, unless they really piss me off. But they haven't, not for the moment anyway, or I don't think so yet. It's only recently that I've started to open up, and people shut me down! Unfair really. Teachers ask who wants to give their input and I raised my hand and I'm told to sit down and keep quiet. On the bright side, maybe I'm just too smart for them. My train of thoughts has been running very quick lately and I need space to let it grow. Instead they're stuck in a confined space because I can't expand. Sooner or later, I might retreat and harm myself. Or explode, and harm myself too but in a different way. And I'm supposed to be gentle and all that, just because that's how a good student with good results is supposed to behave. Absurd, really. I think I'm becoming a misanthrope.
Then, something related, I'm not allowed to express my opinions. Seriously, I think teachers are afraid that I would point out their mistake in front of everyone and embarrass them. But I'm not that low down, unless they really piss me off. But they haven't, not for the moment anyway, or I don't think so yet. It's only recently that I've started to open up, and people shut me down! Unfair really. Teachers ask who wants to give their input and I raised my hand and I'm told to sit down and keep quiet. On the bright side, maybe I'm just too smart for them. My train of thoughts has been running very quick lately and I need space to let it grow. Instead they're stuck in a confined space because I can't expand. Sooner or later, I might retreat and harm myself. Or explode, and harm myself too but in a different way. And I'm supposed to be gentle and all that, just because that's how a good student with good results is supposed to behave. Absurd, really. I think I'm becoming a misanthrope.
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